I love my computer when it works the way I want it to and isn’t temperamental. I love my computer when I’m having fun reading blogs I like, chatting with buddies, entering contests, things like that. I love my computer whenever ideas pop into my head and I can write with the words flowing and I feel good about it.
I hate my computer when it decides to crash or freeze up on me when I’m in the middle of something or it manages to lose my info and I don’t know why because I KNOW I saved it but can’t find where the stupid computer hid it. You know it did and probably in the most obscure file on the hard drive just waiting for me to go on a search mission.
You see, I know my computer laughs at me and very frequently too. It lets me think I know how to work it while I really have no clue and the computer knows this. I made the mistake of showing fear. Never show your computer you are afraid of it. It can sense your trepidations and then it owns you. I speak from personal experience. My computer hates me.
Today I stared at the blank screen of my computer. (Damn I need to put some decent wallpaper on here so it isn’t so boring when I can’t think of anything to write) The screen decides to mock me relentlessly. The cursor blinks, waiting for me to make my first feeble attempts at writing something, anything just to break the spell that the cursor has managed to hypnotize me into.
Sweat begins to pour and my hands become damp and clammy. I know I can do this, heck I’ve been writing for two blogs for a year now, I should be over the writers anxiety or block but here I sit, head hanging low just waiting for the Blogging Gods to take pity on me and inspire me to at least mediocrity which is better than the blank screen and the cursed cursor blinking and gasp! Is it now laughing at me? Every blink of the cursor seems to be tapping out it’s vile refrain of “loser, loser, loser!” and I can’t get it out of my head.
Can you commit Hari Kari with your computer?
I feel about like that cartoon, frustrated and ready to end it all as I asked these questions and got no answers:
- Do we have a finite amount of possible ideas especially if writing is not our job or necessarily our forte?
- Does every blogger go through this torture and what do they do to get over this hurdle?
- When do you know when it is time to wrap it up and say it’s done?
- What do you do when you don’t really have a life outside of trying to make people smile and you can’t imagine not writing even if you suck at it?
I don’t fancy myself a writer. I can’t write short stories or novels. I suck big time at anything like that. Don’t get me wrong, I wish I could write something better than just silly blog posts. But then I read real writers blogs like DarcKnyt and Doggonemysteries and I realize I can’t write worth a hoot. Naw, that’s being kind…I realize I suck badly.
But I cannot imagine not having this silly blog to come to and write even if it is usually drivel. I have a deep masochistic need to put this out and don’t think I would do well if I didn’t even if I’m the only one reading it.
Have I mentioned being a tad bit depressed lately? Not sure if this is where all of this is coming from or not but this last month has been difficult for me on quite a few levels and the one thing I felt sure about was this blog. Now I’m doubting even that.
I have decided to take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and I am not going to let this stupid computer and it’s mocking blinking cursor beat me down. At least not yet. I will not go down without a fight! At least I hope not. :0)
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