Don’t Give Your Kids Fucked-up Names

It’s amazing what you run into when insomnia hits and you are just surfing the web ‘cause you’ve got nothing better to do since I’m sure as hell not getting any sleep tonight. Anyway, I wind up getting routed to a Wiki page and I cannot believe how many people over the years, but especially in the last decade, have named their newborns the most fucked-up, God-awful, how-could-you? dumb-ass (and the list could go on) names I have ever seen in my life. Now I understand not wanting to necessarily have a bland old routine name, and I mean no disrespect for anyone whose name I mention, such as Tom, Mary, Joe, Wendy…these are all good names, just nothing exciting. It seems that Ashley, Tiffany, Jordan, Chase, etc. aren’t all they were once cracked up to be either.

Here are some of my picks from the Wiki page in no particular order of what I feel are the worst names and I hope some relative of theirs takes them on their 16th birthday and lets them legally change their name to whatever they want after being stuck with this crap, thank you Mom and Dad. Child’s name is in red.

  • Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf-Lee. Son of actor/skateboarder Jason Lee and actress Beth Riesgraf.
  • Yahoo, Mexican boy born in 2007. Named because his parents met in a Yahoo! Chat
  • Lucious Pusey – Linebacker for Eastern Illinois University, legally changed his name to Lucious Seymour.
  • Rusty Kuntz, baseball player.
  • Tu Morrow, daughter of Rob Morrow and his wife Debbon Ayer.
  • Kal-el Coppola, son of Nicholas Cage named for: name of Superman on the planet Krypton
  • Shia (shee-ya) LaBeouf Named by grandfather (a comedian) this actor’s name means “thank God for beef”
  • Audio Science – mother Shannyn Sossamon (WTF?! Was she high on drugs? That poor kid)
  • Tiger Lily Heavenly Hirani – Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence

And the one I personally hate the most because I feel like they were naming a poodle and not a child:

  • Fifi Trixibelle – Paula Yates and Bob Geldof

Maybe they need a law about naming children? Or you have to pass a drug/alcohol test first?